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Oct. 27th, 2015

In case any of you were wondering, this picture of Emilia Clarke is how I imagined Leanne of my DARKSIDE Novel Series to look:

And remember when she went all evil?
*On a what-are-the-odds note, the second picture is of Cosplayer Vamptress LeeAnna Vamp. https://www.facebook.com/LeeAnnaVamp?pnref=story
Worried about global warming, the Federal Election, or whether you look fat in those jeans?

*Why not escape with a book, by S.K.S. Perry?

*9 out of 10 doctors recommend reading over recreational pharmaceuticals…or probably would, if…like…you asked them.

Notes on Paris: Part 1

You can't find Scope mouthwash in Paris, only Listerine.

There's no Pepsi in Paris, only Coke. If you're daring enough to brave a dark alley full of lepers you might find a market that sells Pepsi Max, but why bother? Btw, ordering a coke in a restaurant will average you about $12 Cnd. They bring you out an 8 oz bottle and a glass of ice, and will actually open the bottle, pour some, and set it on the table for you. For that price I'm surprised they didn't let me sniff that cap first to make sure it's acceptable.

Parisians are either the worst drivers in the world, or the best. There are no such things as lanes; if you can fit a car in the space, it's good to go. Don't leave more than an inch on either side though, or someone will squeeze a motorcycle or a scooter in there. As soon as the light turns green they all accelerated whiplash quick, dodging and weaving back and forth for position until the next light, and slam on the brakes. Pen actually banged her head off of the headrest of the seat in front of her once after a particularly sudden stop. Stops are generally used to snake your vehicle into a better position for the next start. And even though everyone drives this way, I never saw a single accident for the seven days I was in Paris. None of the cars are dented or scratched either. As a matter of fact, they're pretty much immaculate, and even the cabs are more often than not BMWs and Mercedes.

The French walk like they drive, with a cellphone in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Apparently no one told them that smoking is bad for them, because they all do it, everywhere.
Here's the thing: never tell a self-pubbed author you've just bought their book if you haven't. Dude, we can check.

I'm no Mad Man but...

So I'm having lunch at Mary Brown's (shaddap you, don't judge me) and I notice an ad for the different varieties of their signature Big Mary sandwich with a caption that reads "Collect all two!"

All two? There's a word for that. It's "both". Collect both. I don't know maybe the ad man was getting paid by the word?

(I would have also accepted "Collect them both!" or "Collect the pair!)

Why no, I'm not Amish. Why do you ask?

We bought a new GPS a while back because I think the old one had developed Tourettes. (Guess which one I still get to use. Right. It’s not all bad though. I’m military, so it’s kind of like getting directions from an old army buddy.) Anyway, I hadn’t really had the opportunity to use the new one much until this weekend when we took Pen’s car to the U.S. for a bit of a holiday.

While the old GPS may have had a bit of a speech impediment, this one seems downright…pushy. Maybe it’s the upper-class British accent we’ve chosen for the voice, but I swear every direction it gives is followed by, “You bloody colonials!” Well, it is in my head, anyway. Whenever she tells me to “proceed on route” it sounds like she’s saying, “Proceed on foot,” and I end up yelling, “Not likely, you posh British tart!”

Of course then I realize I’m arguing with my GPS. Yeah, I know, silly, right? It’s not like it’s my toaster, that bread burning son of a bitch.

Public Service Announcement

There are pirate sites out there with my books on them. That's part of the reality of the internet. But please, don't support the pirate sites. At best, you're taking money away from the artist who's probably not even breaking even to begin with. At worst, you're actually making money for the pirate site. So here's the thing:

If you love my books but for whatever reason really can't afford them, email me and I'll send you an electronic copy. All I ask is that you review them, and tell others about them. Hopefully some of those people will be able to afford them. :)

And remember, I donate 10% of the money I make from my writing to the Barrie Women and Children's Shelter.


Why is the secret to eternal life always in the "Lost City" of whatever? You'd think something that important, people would keep track of that shit. Most of these cities are "lost" because they were abandoded, but I don't care how much of a hurry I was in, I'd be sure to take the secret to immortallity with me when I left.

High Priest: "The Island is sinking! Flee for your lives."

Me: "Sure, be right with you as soon as I grab this photo of my dog, this cool watch my dad left me, and...oh, right...the secret to eternal life."

Where's Chuck Woolery when you need him?

As part of my job, I'm developing lesson plans for the Engine Fire and Overheat System. (Yes, I'm thrilled to be part of this dynamic team!) I think the part I hate most is trying to think up the "developmental" questions. They remind me of those dumb questions they used to ask on those cheesy game shows:

Host: If you were a coffee maker, what kind of coffee maker would you be, and why? Let's see what you're wife has to say.

Wife: Hmm…Let's see. Well, it wouldn't be no drip. Maybe….instant?

It's official!

THE MOONLIGHT WAR launches today, available in paperback and/or eBook format at most online retailers.

Three caravans have vanished traversing the Cowcheanne Way and are never heard from again. Despite rumours of native uprisings, bandit armies, and worse, a new caravan is outfitted to travel the Way. As an ancient evil is unleashed upon them, can a group of heroes band together for survival, or are they doomed to join the ranks of lost souls claimed by the cursed Cowcheanne Way?