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I am what I am.

What are the criteria for calling yourself an author?

Some people say that to be called a legitimate author you should be vetted through a traditional publisher. After all, anyone can just press “upload” nowadays and find themselves published on Amazon or Smashwords.

So, fair enough. Just exactly how big does this publisher have to be? How big of a print run? If you’re published by a small press with a print run of a few hundred, does it still count? Does it count more than the person who self-published at Amazon and sold 3000 copies?

What if you’re published by one of the big publishing houses, but no one buys your book. It’s a dismal flop. Does that still count?

What if you’re book is pirated, and everyone reads it but no one pays for it?

What if a publisher buys your book, but goes under before they get the chance to publish it? Or is being a publisher kind of like being the Pope, and as long as they bless you with the publisher holy water you’re good?

Does it count if other people call you an author, and not just your mom and your friends, but…say…fans? People you’ve never met, who might live on the other side of the world, and who write to tell you how much they loved your work?

I’m guessing it all depends on who you ask, but in my experience as a self-published author, don’t expect most of the traditionally published authors to think of you as one of them. You may be an author, but you’re not an AUTHOR. And if that hurts your feelings, well, get used to it.

I think it's a right hand/left hand thing.

According to Amazon.ca, the paperback version of DARKSIDE: DAMNED IF YOU DO is "Out of stock." No kidding. It's print on demand through Createspace (which is owned by Amazon).

Amazon.com knows better, and lists it as in stock.

So don't fall for their lies. Just order it. I promise you, they'll print one special just for you. :)


Um...so apparently THE MOONLIGHT WAR is available on pre-order as a Kindle eBook, for those of you who just have to have it before you can have it?

Yeah, I don't get it either.


New cover art.

In keeping with my practice of doing absolutely everything myself on my self-published novels, here is the new cover art for THE MOONLIGHT WAR, coming July 31, 2015.

From a fan:

Dear Mr. Perry, I don't get it. I just read your post about that REAL author. As a reader and a fan you are as real to me as any of them. A friend recommended your Darkside series to me while we were in Barnes & Noble so I looked it up in the kiosk. I found them easily, available in paperback and as a Nook book. I skimmed through the preview and liked what I saw so I bought it for my Nook and downloaded it. Let me just tell you I loved Loved LOVED your book, so I bought the next two as well. I want to buy them in paperback too so that if I ever meet you I could get you to autograph them for me. I found you on Facebook by Googling you, which led me to your website, and to your Facebook Author's page, and then here. So tell me, how is my experience as a reader any different than if my friend had recommended a book by a REAL writer?

P.S. My friend said she met you at World Fantasy in Toronto and that you were super nice and just as charming and funny as you are in your books and that she doesn't understand why you weren't on any panels because she would go to any panel you were on and it would probably be a hoot!

Me: Thank you so much for this. Your email came at just the right time.
P.S. You realise that's not me in the books, right? (Well, mostly not me.)

P.S.S. I just got an email from someone claiming to be George R.R. Martin telling me I'm a nobody. :)

(I'm pretty sure George doesn't use a hotmail account under the guise "chickenlover69" but I could be wrong.)


For Sartorias, just because. :)

DARKSIDE: DAMNED IF YOU DO and the rest of the DARKSIDE series is now available in paperback and Kindle format on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/S.K.S.-Perry/e/B0051HEZ30,

and in most eBook formats on Smashwords at https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/sksperry.

If you could...like...tell everybody, that would be great.

This is where I stand.

A few days ago I posted an email I recieved from a REAL author, dismissing me and my work as a writer. And though some of you asked, I won't name names--it's just not Canadian, or who I am---but let's just say that if you read spec fic it's probably someone you know.

I, personally, have never met this person, which begs the question, "How the hell have they heard of me?"

Regardless. I plan to write. I plan to write more. I plan to publish--and probably self-publish at that because that seems to be my lot in life.

If you'd like to help, buy my books, leave a review, and tell people about them. As an indie author (that's pretentious snob speak for self-published) word of mouth is about the only publicity I'm liable to get. There are no book signings or convention panels in my future.

If you don't want to help, well that's fine, too. My books get written either way. And regardless whether you're inclined to help me or not, if you're an author--self-published or otherwise--I'll do what I can to help you. Because that's who I am, REAL author or not.
From a...well...an asshole:

Mr. Perry, STOP calling yourself an author. It's embarrassing.. I've never read your work and I never will. You're just another amateur, scribbling down their blatherings and self-publishing. My kid could do that.

Signed, a REAL author.

Me: You've never read my work? Never even glanced at a chapter, or a page? Then shut the f*ck up. Here's one for you, Dear REAL author. Stop calling yourself a human being. It's embarrassing.

Let's see Neil Gaiman do that!

So a photographer friend at work (Hago) has offered to do a new author photo for me. Someone suggested I don't do the typical shot, but instead did something that would show off all the cool things I can do.

So my author photo will be of me rappelling from a helicopter with a sword in my hand, down between my motorcycle and drum set, while ninjas flip past in front of me. O.o

It's all their fault.

The reason why guys get fat after they get married is because their wives find things to occupy their time with.

When you’re single, there’s only so much porn you can watch or Xbox you can play before you get bored, and it’s not like you have to clean the house or anything, because….pshaw! Eventually, you get bored enough that you figure you might as well go to the gym. At least there’ll be other people there, maybe even other female people.

But once you’re married you can kiss that free time goodbye. Oh, sure, sometimes your wife will fill that time with awesome things, like sex, and accompanying you to movies to see Rambo 26, or to that monster truck rally, or to watch wrastlin’. Odds are, though, that most of your time will be spent…like…mowing the lawn, or weeding the garden, or antiquing. *shudder*

Or she’ll expect you to go with her to visit her parents. Let’s face it; you don’t visit your own parents, what makes her think you want to see hers? At worst they hate you, because you stole their little girl, and they’re pretty sure you’re sleeping with their angel. At best they like you enough that they have a whole mess of chores waiting for you to do at their place when you arrive.

And a wife will usually insist on feeding you, and at regular intervals even. Most women have to eat something like twelve times a day or they get faint, or sick or whatever. A guy can go for a day easy without eating, and if he does, his stomach rumbles. That’s it. End of story. But, when a guy eats, he eats a man-sized portion at EVERY SINGLE MEAL. Trying to keep up with your wife at that pace is obesity waiting to happen, but we’ll give it a shot, because we’re like dogs and will eat until we explode.

Add that to the no-time-at-the gym previously mentioned, and presto, instant fatty.